I don’t really know what my Hogwarts house is.

I thought it was Ravenclaw, because I like to read above, basically, everything else in life.

Then I thought it was Gryffindor, because I have no fear of speaking up when others can’t say what really needs to be said. In fact, I am compelled to speak for those who have no voice. I have a strong and extremely fierce defender instinct- just not so much for myself. (Working on that.)

Then, I thought it was Slytherin, but I always knew it wasn’t – I was deeply hurt and angry, and *wishing,* above all things, to be Sith and Slytherin, and not care for someone who didn’t have a moment of thought for me. I wanted to burn the heart right out of my chest, and feel indifference bordering on contempt for someone who chewed me up, spat me out, and just didn’t even consider me at all. (I still feel this way. But I am not Slytherin.)

A friend told me I was so clearly Hufflepuff. I freaked right the fuck out. “No! Hufflepuffs are Hobbits, damn it, and I am adventurous.”

I still have to look at that. I’m loyal, but my loyalty is to the point of damage. I’m that dog following someone who kicks me. Nope. Not interested in living into, or perpetuating the damage of my childhood.

I’m introverted, and want to completely disappear when the damage is having its way – and when I’m healthy, I love people and am actually on the extroverted side (though I will never love noise and crowds and meaningless conversations make me want to run and hide in a book.)

So. I guess there’s our “damaged-self” house, our house we wish we could embody some traits from, and then our “healthy” house.

I’m still not sure what that is, yet. I just know it isn’t Slytherin. As much as I truly, madly, deeply hate to admit that.

I wish, above all things, to become heartless. I can’t. I’ll continue to be hurt, I suppose.

Perhaps that makes me Gryffindor- because it takes courage to say “this is who I am. I loved and considered your well-being. I still do. That I was not even a thought on your radar, while you worshipped and longed for the ones who were devious and cruel, well, that’s who you are.”

What is yours?

– what’s your healthy house?

-what’s the house of your patterning (that isn’t necessarily you?)

-what’s your friends’-perception-of-you house?

-what’s your house you wish you could embody some traits from?

Yours Nerdily,

A Gryffin-claw-puff dragon