It’s day 16 of my self-created program. Eventually, I’m going to need to get some professional input, but for now, I’m sticking with a challenge through my gym, and adding some stuff myself.

It’s been a struggle of a week. I can’t believe this is only day 16.

All I’m going to say for this entry is:

I can do this all day.

I’ve been on the floor, proverbially and literally, and the hits just keep coming –

But I’m sticking with what I am committed to, which is: strict diet plan. Drink 1/2 body weight in water a day. Work out every day with no exceptions.

That’s all. Right now, when I check off those tasks and remain accountable with my gym challenge, it gives me something to focus on.

Losing weight is proving easy, compared to the emotional battle I’m fighting.

But! If you’re going through something rough, all I can jot down here on day 16 is: check off some physical maintenance tasks every day. It just helps to anchor me in this place and time, and it helps me to know I am keeping the engine running, even if I’m not really present that day- I can look back and go oh yeah, I drank water.

Here’s a photo of the meal journal :

As for the struggle that’s happening in my heart and mind, here’s what’s helping : I found a children’s charity organization to volunteer for.

I focus daily on gratitude for my incredibly generous friends: this needs to be a journal entry on its own, because friends have blown my mind with their kindness, and receiving has turned out to be another challenge, another muscle to strengthen. I’ve had to, as I don’t have the emotional or energetic resources to reciprocate right away, so I’ve had to just receive and give them my gratitude, writing a heart-list of thank-you gifts I need to give when I am restored enough to do so.

My collection of “superhero” workout clothing is growing. My body is getting stronger. My heart will catch up when she is ready –

That is all. I’m ragged, this time, so my journal will reflect that – and it will get better.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

1) eat right. Even if things taste like sand; just put healthy nutrients on your plate, and tell your body thanks for holding you up while you get through this.

2) move your body. It helps the emotions move through, and out of the stuck places. It helps clear and refocus the mind.

3) let people help you

(This is bloody hard, and I absolutely know that. It may be the most challenging of all. It can come with shame … but please. Remember how good it feels to help someone else, and just be grateful for the kind people around you.)

4) don’t lean TOO hard (do practice self-soothing. Everyone is struggling, and can’t carry it all. You can do this. You’ve got this.)

5) When you can, help someone else – (consult your own energy on this one, and don’t pour from an empty cup. Just do what you can. You’ll know. I will be cosplaying for kids, because it also helps my heart to do so.)

6) Move away from energetic drains.

(Don’t be “polite,” and suffer as a result. If people are asking attention that you need for yourself and your own healing right now, don’t be afraid to say no. I’ve even had people be rude and actually flat out vicious. I am running on fumes, so it hasn’t been hard for me to say “I don’t have the energy to give to you right now.” And shut the door to inappropriate, demanding, insensitive, or unkind people. Old me wouldn’t have been able to be so blunt.)

And when the going gets really rough, just tell yourself “I can do this all day.” And keep. Going.

That’s all I’ve got for week two –