When Your Heart is Broken

A torturous month of failing to honor myself, and a series of shocks from within the home my heart had chosen, have left me utterly bewildered.

So I thought I’d use this moment of fractured soul to heal myself, by offering healing to any who might be up late, searching on the internet :

“How to heal a broken heart,”
“How to feel better,”
or simply,

“I am lost.”

I am taking my practice from Pema Chodron, Thich Nhat Hanh, and one of my lineage of teachers, Rabbi Shefa Gold.

First, sit. Don’t escape. When your mind wants to text, create a facebook post (or a blog post, heh heh…), an instagram post, or call to talk to loved ones… pause. Lean in to your pain. Actually think to yourself “lean in.” Lean into fear and loss; this is the way to be with it in such a way that you can journey through it, and come out the other side. To escape is to preserve it within your body and psyche. I know you are strong enough: gently and firmly lean in.

Muster all the strength – you have more than you know – and simply pause.

Sit on your meditation cushion, the floor, a chair, anywhere that is comfortable but allows you to be awake and upright. This isn’t the time to burrow, hide, and wallow- though that may call to you strongly, healing needs action. The more we feel resistance to action, the more action is actually what we need to take…

the action of no-action.

It is maybe one of the hardest things you will ever do.

Are you sitting?  Then you are already a warrior. Welcome. I am proud of you.

Become aware of your breath. When we are hurt deeply, breathing can become quite shallow. Just gently direct your mind to your breath. The mind might even fight you, suggesting things you must say to your love to “win him back,” (you should never- NEVER- “win him back,” but that’s a different post. That which doesn’t choose you and win you is not for you.) It might say “what’s the point, my world is falling apart…” things of this nature.

Hear it gently- this is no time to berate your bruised self.
Then simply direct it back to the breath. If you can, smile a little on the out breath. (this is from Thich Nhat Hanh.)

imagine the spiky shards of your heart, feel where they might be – if you can get beyond your brain. The brain, after a shock, will often repeat itself. “but he said…” “but we were…” “his family said..” “I thought they felt the same about me…” “I was good to them…”
the stories of wound will repeat, like a person telling over rosary beads. According to the Dalai Lama, this is a way to actually keep wounds open and alive, so as soon as you can, try to redirect your thoughts gently.
just keep gently directing the mind back to the breath. slowly surround the shards of your heart, wherever in your body they may have spread to, and surround them with warmth, with caring, with whatever your idea of a comforting light may be.

Place yourself in a situation where you are with someone (do not be specific, this is just a made-up presence) who accepts you completely. Your shadow, your struggles, your fears, your weaknesses.
This person sitting with you accepts every single part of you, and loves you unreservedly.
Nothing you could do or say could cause this person to stop loving you, to turn away from you, to shock you with abandonment or rejection, or choosing to side against you.

absolutely nothing.

Feel what it would be to be that safe. Safe to be yourself, safe to expand in the arms and light of love. Feel the rising of your best self. This is what such love brings –

when you are accepted and not under siege, the best self can emerge. She is a gift – she is the deepest gift to anyone who awakens her delicate, joyful dance.

Now, you are the one who has the power to awaken her.
You had that power all along.

Keep imagining what it would be to be so safe. To be so seen, loved, and appreciated – until you feel good feeling spread throughout your body, and warm the broken places.

This is being love.
You have access to your higher self at any time.
Nothing people say about you can remove this.
Nothing people shock you with can remove this.
No surprises from people you love deeply can remove this.
No death, loss, mistakes, or shadow-self actions can remove this.

Someone inside you has been parched for your love, attention, regard and care for a long time. She sleeps in a glass coffin, and the one she was waiting for all along was – you. Not a prince. Nothing was left to chance, here. She awaited you.

 

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Send your breath gently to her lips – and feel her inhale. Smile gently, if you feel yourself awakening.
Give her gentle thoughts – embrace her shadows and the things about her that others try to mock or shame.

The stone the builders have rejected has become the cornerstone: (Psalm 118:22) 

Is a good chant to meditate with.  If you feel so moved, you can find the melody at rabbi Shefa Gold’s website under Psalms. (www.rabbishefagold.com)

The twists and turns of this phrase – let your breath be regular as you whisper, chant or speak it – will guide your heart in ways you may not expect.

That which we reject- our shadow- can be called to be in the full light of our love. It can be rinsed of shame and become the cornerstone, the foundation anchor of the temple of our lives and good work here, if we allow it. If we are willing to see it in a new light.

If someone you love has rejected you, let their experience, their stories and reasons they wish to leave your life and live without you, all be gentle teachers. Let them wash over you, but do not find handholds in that rock. That is not your mountain to climb. You can let the reasons wash through your hands, settle for a while, examine them for wisdom and lessons to be found, and then let them go on to become that person’s temple. That person or persons – they may choose; let them choose.

Let them go, if they do not choose you.

You have a temple to build, and you have love to give and receive.  Give each breath the gratitude it deserves, and cherish each one, even as you release. There will be a new breath. Releasing is a way to practice letting go,

just as gently releasing tempting thought pathways are a chance to practice letting go.

With practice, we can all become more adept at letting go with immense grace.
and until then, invite your cornerstone. If you have not found it, simply invite it –
If it is heavy or painful to carry, it needs your love and care. It is ready to shine and take on a new aspect in your life and choices.

From one broken heart to another: I wish you great joy. I wish you love, and I wish you healing.

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