I have only an hour until my next class, but I want to set something down to return to later –
just a brief sketch.
The Art of Farginnen.
When someone else is shining, do we envy that person and want their light,
or do we rejoice for them, hold them up, get our ego out of the way and let our heart expand?
The latter is what it is to fargin.
Just came from a class on farginnnen taught by my rabbi David Zaslow (who will have a book on it coming out sometime in the future), based on the teachings of Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi (זצייל) and I am inspired. I never had a word for something I have tried to practice for years now. It can be difficult, but as I taught myself to celebrate when a friend landed a great role or published a book, I found that I felt so much better. Life felt more beautiful. Truly celebrating friends’ successes in areas of my own passions led to a more expanded life, heart, and mind. It also, oddly enough, created more flow in my own life – it was almost as if getting rid of the contracted places of envy got rid of energy blocks, and as my focus became more positive, more beautiful things were able to take root and grow in my heart and life.
I fully believe this is a practice we can cultivate, just like we are tending a garden in our souls.
It was (and is still) a practice that grows by doing. Once in a while when i feel the twinge of envy, I still have to consciously reach into my heart and ask it to be more generous. I have to make an effort – but it’s less frequent now that I have to work at this so hard…
Or when I feel that envy twinge, I look at it as information, telling me that I want that in my life too, and I tell myself it’s a sign post and a gift — time to take that as an example of what to build in my own life! Then I celebrate for my friend… in the consciousness that abundance is real; that there is enough for everyone.
I think the lack of ability to fargin, or a “nicht farginnen” consciousness – (someone who lives in envy of others’ achievements, eating themselves up with jealousy or regret, or trying to take the spotlight or attention…etc…) is born of a poverty mentality. If someone is wounded in a way that makes them feel there won’t be enough to go around, they must cling desperately to what they have, there isn’t the flow of energy that allows giving and receiving, this is a ripe breeding ground for Nicht Farginnen.
Ich fargin … I feel at this moment that it is a pure form of love. I am so happy to have a name for this now, and a book of guidelines for building a practice of nourishing my own heart’s ability to fargin.
The things it’s harder to fargin about…? That’s just a sign it’s an area we need to nourish in our own lives. If I envy someone’s book being published, I’d better turn it around – celebrate, and convert the envy into rocket fuel to get me working on my own book.
There will always be enough. There are enough acting roles, and the right one for me will find me. There are enough readers for every different kind of book. There are enough venues for every voice that needs to be lifted in song. There are enough ways to see and be seen. There is always enough love for everyone; there are enough clients for every coach — we are all different, and the ones who resonate with us will find us…
Ich fargin. I aspire to this – to lift up those around me whenever I can. to celebrate them.
To live with a generosity of spirit and heart, and not live in the contracted place (which is so painful anyway…who would want to live there???) of envy and starved poverty mentality .
This is incoherent; I have dashed it out very quickly – If you have thoughts on this subject, please add comments — Ich fargin! I will be grateful.
Also – a question for discussion: What is the response when we know that someone else is nicht farginnen us? When their behavior speaks of envy and/or judgment?
I believe continuing the process of trying to forgive is necessary; letting go; seeing with compassionate eyes. Because otherwise, we might fall into the trap of contraction which is so contagious, isn’t it…